The Mental Load No One Sees: Self-Care Tips for Busy Women Trying to Hold It All Together
- 1 day ago
- 4 min read
There’s a certain kind of exhaustion that sleep doesn’t fix.
The kind where your brain has 47 tabs open at all times.
One kid needs something signed for school. Someone forgot to tell you spirit week started tomorrow. You’re mentally planning dinner during a meeting. You’re responding to emails while remembering you forgot to switch the laundry. Your husband asks what’s wrong & you say, “Nothing,” because honestly…where do you even begin?
That’s the mental load. And for busy women, it’s relentless.
As someone who works full-time in behavioral health, runs 2 businesses, is married, raising 4 kids, & somehow still gets asked what’s for dinner every single day like I’m the CEO of Food Incorporated… I understand this deeply.
People often see the productivity. The accomplishments. The businesses. The content. The organization.
What they don’t always see is the invisible mental checklist running in the background 24/7. The remembering. The planning. The emotional holding. The constant switching between roles.
And if I’m being honest? Sometimes it feels like my brain deserves workers’ compensation.
The Invisible Weight Busy Women Carry
The mental load for busy women isn’t just about tasks. It’s carrying responsibility for everything:
appointments
emotional support
schedules
household management
finances
school reminders
work deadlines
family needs
everyone’s emotions
& somehow still trying to prioritize your own mental wellness
It’s exhausting because it’s invisible. You can be sitting completely still while mentally managing an entire ecosystem.
And many women have become so used to functioning in survival mode that we don’t even realize how overloaded we are until we snap over something tiny…like someone asking us where the ketchup is while it’s directly in front of them. (Respectfully.)
The “Strong Woman” Trap
One thing I’ve learned is this: Being capable does not mean you should carry everything alone. Whew!
Women in helping professions especially are conditioned to push through burnout. We normalize functioning while depleted. We become experts at showing up for everyone else while quietly abandoning ourselves.
As someone in behavioral health, I know the importance of self-care professionally.
But living it consistently as a busy woman? That’s a different conversation.
Because self-care for many of us doesn’t look like luxury spa days. Sometimes self-care looks like:
sitting in silence in your car before going inside
saying “no” without overexplaining
journaling instead of emotionally spiraling
taking a walk without answering phone calls
ordering takeout without guilt
realizing rest is productive too
What’s Actually Helping Me Manage the Mental Load
I’m still learning. Still unlearning. Still trying to find harmony instead of perfection.
But here are a few things that genuinely help me manage the mental load as a busy woman:
1. Brain Dumps Before Bed
If I don’t write things down, my brain tries to rehearse everything at 2 AM like it’s preparing for a TED Talk nobody asked for. Journaling helps me release mental clutter instead of carrying it into the next day.
2. Creating Small Moments of Quiet
Not every self-care practice has to be deep or time-consuming. Sometimes I sit outside for 10 minutes with no notifications. Sometimes I listen to music before work. Sometimes I intentionally do absolutely nothing for a few minutes (or hours). Tiny moments matter.
3. Accepting That Balance Changes Daily
Some days I’m fully productive. Some days I’m surviving on caffeine, grace, & the last bit of patience I have left. Both are valid.
4. Letting Go of the Need to “Earn” Rest
Rest is not a reward for burnout. I’m learning that I deserve care before I completely fall apart — not after. And I did just that on Tuesday when I took a day off.
H.E.R.E. Unfiltered Is Baaaaaaaack!
Honestly, one of the reasons we’re restarting our live journaling sessions, H.E.R.E. Unfiltered, next month is because I know so many women are carrying things they never fully process. And I get it.
Sometimes we don’t need another motivational quote. We need a safe space to pause. To reflect. To breathe. To reconnect with ourselves outside of responsibility.
Starting next month, H.E.R.E. Unfiltered will be hosted the last Saturday of each month at 11 am EST as a guided live journaling experience for busy women prioritizing self-care & mental wellness. In order to hold myself accountable, I had to set a consistent date. Setting a day at the spur of the moment wasn't working, & somehow there was always something that popped up during that time that I could not get out of.
No pressure. No perfection. No pretending. Just honest reflection, intentional journaling, & creating space for ourselves again.
Because the truth is: You can love your family, your career, your businesses, & still feel overwhelmed sometimes.
That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.
And maybe healing starts by finally admitting how heavy the mental load has been all along.
Add next month's live journaling session, H.E.R.E. Unfiltered, on your calendar. We're taking back our self-care on June 27th at 11am EST!
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